Showing love to children is not softness the Sunnah tolerates but a mercy it commands. When a man boasted he had never kissed any of his ten children, the Prophet ﷺ did not affirm him — he warned him.
A man once saw the Prophet ﷺ kissing his grandson al-Hasan ؓ and said, “I have ten children and I have never kissed any of them.” The Prophet ﷺ looked at him and said, “Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy” (Bukhari 5997). That exchange is extraordinary. A man boasted of his emotional distance from his own children, evidently expecting approval for his stern, undemonstrative manhood — and the Prophet ﷺ did not affirm his dignity; he warned him of its consequence. This single moment overturns an entire inherited assumption: that showing love to children is a softness to be minimised, and restraint a mark of paternal strength. The Sunnah teaches the reverse. Affection toward children is not indulgence the religion tolerates; it is mercy the religion commands, and its withholding is not strength but a hardness that endangers a person’s own share of Allah’s ﷻ mercy.
The Prophet’s ﷺ Love for Children
The Sunnah preserves a Prophet ﷺ overflowing with visible affection for the young. He kissed his grandchildren openly and often. He carried al-Hasan and al-Husayn ؓ, played with them, and let his grandson climb on his back during prostration, prolonging the sujud rather than hurrying the child off (Nasa’i 1141). He carried his granddaughter Umamah ؓ on his shoulder while leading the congregation in prayer (Bukhari 516). He would greet children when he passed them, joke gently with them — teasing a small boy about his pet bird — and show them a tenderness that made them love him. He said, “he is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young” (Tirmidhi 1919), tying the mercy shown to children directly to belonging to his community. And he made the emotional bond explicit, holding his grandsons and saying, “O Allah ﷻ, I love them, so love them” (Bukhari 3735). This was not affection at the expense of upbringing; it was the very soil in which good upbringing grows, for a child who knows they are loved receives guidance from a place of trust rather than fear.
Why Affection Matters So Much
There is a depth of wisdom in the prophetic emphasis that modern understanding only confirms: a child’s felt sense of being loved shapes their security, their confidence, their capacity to trust, and even the ease with which they later relate to Allah ﷻ. The father or mother who is present and openly affectionate gives a child a foundation that discipline and provision alone can never supply. Withheld affection, by contrast, leaves a wound — the child who is provided for but not cherished often grows up seeking, in a hundred unhealthy ways, the warmth they were denied at home. This is why the Prophet ﷺ met the boast of the undemonstrative father not with approval but with warning: the hardness that will not kiss a child is not neutral, it is a deprivation inflicted on the child and a danger to the parent, whose own mercy from Allah ﷻ is tied to the mercy he shows (Bukhari 5997). Showing love to children is thus among the most consequential of the small daily acts of parenting — the embrace, the kind word, the spoken “I love you,” the delight visibly taken in them — because these are the very things that build a secure, trusting, and God-connected human being, and their absence is felt for a lifetime.
Show affection openly — it is commanded, not indulgent. Kiss your children, embrace them, tell them you love them, and let your delight in them be visible, following the Prophet ﷺ who did all of this openly (Bukhari 5997, 3735). Discard the inherited idea that undemonstrative sternness is strength; the Prophet ﷺ warned the father who withheld affection, not the one who showed it. Visible love is not a threat to a child’s discipline but the trusting foundation on which discipline is actually received.
Understand affection as the soil of good upbringing. Do not treat showing love and raising a child well as competing aims — the first is the ground of the second. A child who knows they are cherished receives guidance from trust rather than fear, and carries a security that shapes their confidence, their relationships, and even the ease with which they relate to Allah ﷻ. The Prophet ﷺ combined open tenderness with careful upbringing; the two are not in tension but in partnership.
Guard against the wound of withheld warmth. Recognise that provision without affection leaves a real wound: the child provided for but not cherished often spends a lifetime seeking the warmth they were denied. The Prophet ﷺ tied mercy shown to children to one’s own share of Allah’s ﷻ mercy (Bukhari 5997, Tirmidhi 1919). Make the small daily acts of love — the embrace, the kind word, the spoken “I love you” — a deliberate habit, for these are what build a secure human being, and their absence is felt for life.
Showing love to children is not a softness the Sunnah merely tolerates but a mercy it commands — so much so that when a man boasted of never kissing his ten children, the Prophet ﷺ warned him rather than praised him: “whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy” (Bukhari 5997). He himself kissed his grandchildren openly, carried them in prayer, and said “O Allah ﷻ, I love them, so love them” (Bukhari 3735). Affection is not the enemy of good upbringing but its soil, and its absence leaves a wound felt for a lifetime. Show love openly, understand it as the ground of secure guidance, and guard against the deprivation of withheld warmth — for the tenderness you give a child builds the trusting, God-connected human being they become, and is tied to your own share of the mercy of Allah ﷻ.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does Islam say about showing love to children?
Islam commands affection toward children as a mercy, not a softness to be minimised. When a man boasted, “I have ten children and I have never kissed any of them,” the Prophet ﷺ warned him: “whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy” (Bukhari 5997). He also said, “he is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young” (Tirmidhi 1919). Withholding affection is not paternal strength but a hardness that endangers a person’s own share of Allah’s ﷻ mercy.
How did the Prophet ﷺ show love to children?
Openly and often. He kissed his grandchildren, carried al-Hasan and al-Husayn ؓ, and let his grandson climb on his back during prostration, prolonging the sujud rather than hurrying him off (Nasa’i 1141); he carried his granddaughter Umamah ؓ on his shoulder while leading prayer (Bukhari 516); he greeted children, joked gently with them, and held his grandsons saying, “O Allah ﷻ, I love them, so love them” (Bukhari 3735). His affection was visible, warm, and constant — the very model of prophetic tenderness toward the young.
Is showing affection bad for a child’s discipline?
No — affection is the soil in which good upbringing grows, not its enemy. A child who knows they are loved receives guidance from a place of trust rather than fear, and carries a security that shapes their confidence and even their later relationship with Allah ﷻ. The Prophet ﷺ combined open tenderness with careful upbringing; the two work in partnership. Visible love is not a threat to discipline but the trusting foundation on which discipline is actually received and internalised.
Why does withholding affection harm a child?
Because a child’s felt sense of being loved shapes their security, confidence, and capacity to trust, and provision without affection leaves a real wound. The child who is provided for but not cherished often spends a lifetime seeking, in unhealthy ways, the warmth they were denied at home. This is why the Prophet ﷺ met the undemonstrative father’s boast with warning rather than approval (Bukhari 5997): withheld affection is not neutral but a deprivation inflicted on the child and a danger to the parent’s own mercy from Allah ﷻ.
What are simple ways to show love to my children?
The small daily acts the Prophet ﷺ modelled: kiss and embrace them, tell them plainly that you love them, take visible delight in them, greet them warmly, play and joke gently with them, and give them your present attention rather than the leftovers of it. These ordinary gestures — the embrace, the kind word, the spoken “I love you” — are precisely what build a secure, trusting, God-connected human being, and the Prophet ﷺ tied the mercy shown to children to one’s own share of Allah’s ﷻ mercy (Tirmidhi 1919).